Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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