At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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