So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
