I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
