I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
