he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
