So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
