Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
