Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
