i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
