just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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