a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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