I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
