How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
