I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize