Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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