first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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