yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
