Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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