she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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