I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
