his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
