He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
