In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
