As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
