Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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