I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
