Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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