so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
