Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
