Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
