she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
