so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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