He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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