I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
