...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
