i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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