You work out of a Hotel?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
