you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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