my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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