There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Please don't give away my fajitas
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
