My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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