No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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