Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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