My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
