dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
