either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
