i just wanna soil my oats bro
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
