I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
