If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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