my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
