Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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