3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
