The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
