I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
