I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
