Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
