Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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