New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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