??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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