I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
