matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
then he tried to convert me to islam
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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