If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
