Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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