I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
