His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
